I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
