I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
