Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
