Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if only i could text you this smell
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
