You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
