I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
