Me too!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Be still, my beating vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
