actually, I'm a sock model
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
