I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
