Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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