Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
