things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
