my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
