I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
