There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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