Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
