True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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