there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
