4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
