I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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