Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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