what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
