I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You made out with two different species that night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
