Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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