If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
