just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
