It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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