I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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