life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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