Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
