Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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