summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
