he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
