You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
