speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
wow bdsm is so cute
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