Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
