It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
