Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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