I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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