Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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