thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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