just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
