i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
