Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
