If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
