i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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