you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
