Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
