just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
