Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
