dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
love makes seman taste better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
