I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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